I have a few projects in mind. Mostly books. I have spent an inordinate amount of time resisting the process. I have consulted trusted practitioners to uncover and remove blockages and distractions. I have looked at my extant content. And yet ….
What am I afraid of? Why do I resist? Why are there so many distractions that I allow to steal my focus? Are there still blockages from previous experiences in this life and others?
What I know:
~ I am living this life to fulfill a divine purpose: to manifest Source in ways that help us all heal.
~ I use my life experience to glean lessons and techniques to share with others.
~ I love what I do, what I know, and what the results we (client, Spirit and I) achieve.
~ I am not afraid to dive deeply into a client’s healing process. I am a facilitator and sacred space creator/holder.
~ I am an embodiment of Source / Love. And so are you.
~I continue to self-evaluate. I continue to learn, grow, and apply those learnings.
And yet, I resist being so fully myself.
Okay, there are the past lives in which I was executed, tortured and otherwise not accepted for my Source knowledge. Some people from those lifetimes are sharing space with me in this lifetime.
My current life history includes those who have not accepted me for whatever reason. My physicality, political philosophy, their outdated perceptions of me.
I accept all sorts of distractions. Gotta schedule more light language episodes, wait! There’s more Light Language inspiration. Organize my spreadsheet. Wonder how many more events I could apply for. And … and… and…
There’s still The Book I have been asked about for over 20 years by friends and other practitioners. The guilt / pressure / expectation of them live rent-free in my head. I have consulted with other practitioners. Explored underlying issues. Resolved some of them. Still not happy with whatever or motivated. Saying it’s overwhelming. Talking to author friends who say take it a word at a time.
I have plenty of content I can draw from. Oh NO! So much content! Is it still Valid? Gah! I gotta add new information. Channel it! But who with?
You see how this is going? Exhausting, huh?
Well, I realize I am jumping to the end of whatever story I am developing / living / writing. The book. My life. I am not Living in the Moment. I see the 6th grade Susy writing a story for class. It was about love lost, loneliness, and relied heavily on the story we had just read. I got lambasted by classmates. They said I cheated.
The teacher stood up for me, but yeah, I was hurt. It was a good story. I expressed myself well. Marvelous imagery (for a 6th grader). What was wrong with it?
Other kids said I copied the story. !!!!!!!!!
THAT’S a chunk of my resistance. I don’t want to be seen as a copier. I build on what I know, what has been established in practice. I want to touch someone’s life in a way that helps them heal.
I use my experience and the experiences of those around me to inform my methods. I listen to people as they talk about what they hope to achieve. I listen to the information I receive from Source.
That’s where the information and content is coming from.
Okay. OKAY, I think I get it.
Trust / believe what I am receiving / hearing / knowing. Focus on the present moment. Write the books.
Huh. I say this sort of stuff to my clients.
Time to listen.